


Under the Same Sun

by Helie_Bloom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Deaf Character, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 11:13:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19083874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helie_Bloom/pseuds/Helie_Bloom
Summary: Mankind was known for messing up. A lot. Everyone was desperately striving to be perfect, ignoring those who had flaws. High school was known to be a picky place where only the most beautiful and athletic students can find security and solace. Everyone else suffered greatly. That is why those who weren't so "normal" were sent to different schools where they could interact with kids just like them. Loki Odinson has been wandering the world in silence, not remembering what it was like to hear the sounds around him. He was an outcast in his own neighborhood and didn't even have that many friends at his Academy for the Deaf. He just wanted to escape and find some real enjoyment in his grey life. Then he met Thor's friends and learned that...they really do live under the same sun.





	1. Chapter 1

**_"Deafness isn't the opposite of hearing. It's a silence full of sound."-Mark Medhoff_ **

 

****

     First thing’s first, high school is nothing but a huge pit of misery, brainless teenagers taking useless pictures in the bathroom with the flash on, standardized testing, and the arts being drowned out by sports. That’s just a cold and hard fact. Everyone had their own clique, but the downside is that most people change who they really are in order to fit into their friend groups. However, there was a good 10% of kids who had friend groups that loved diversity. That’s what made them special. Friend circles were like a salad: everyone brought something new to make the group unique and fun to be around. Those friendships lasted longer than the other 90%. However, there is one friend group that everyone recognizes. It’s kind of hard not to considering the head of the group is none other than Anthony Stark: the smartest kid in school. “Tony” (as he likes to be called) carries his class’s standardized testing records and could care less about what everyone thought about him. He was one of the richest kids in the school yet could support himself without a doubt because of the fact that he was so smart. He knew for a fact that the top universities wanted him and he merely smirked at the fact that when his applications were accepted, he would have a ton of good schools kneeling at his feet. He could care less about what happened in school as he knew he had a bright and wealthy future ahead of him. The only difference between the wealthy kids and Tony is that Tony would be able to maintain his wealth with his intelligence and wits. That was a quality that was extremely hard to find nowadays...and people wonder why the younger generations aren’t that smart. 

     Next to Anthony Stark was Steve Rogers. He had to be one of the nicest kids in the whole class. He was extremely smart, especially in history, and has been dreaming to go into the military for as long as he could remember. He joined the JROTC program when he started freshman year and has not lost a sense of pride in his nation. He loves to draw, though only his closest friends no this. He is a member of the art club while also the captain of the football team. He has drawn portraits of his friends for their birthdays and also did commissions for those who wanted to have his artwork hanging on their bedroom walls. Steve did not have a bad bone in his body. He was always trying to do the right thing and give people the respect that they deserved. He was a member of the student council and was inducted into the National Honors Society with his friends that past year. Steve was also the class president and was no doubt trusted by a majority of his class. 

     Bruce Banner wasn’t that big of a surprise to be included in the friend group. He’s known Tony since elementary school and both were considered “Science Bros”. They enjoyed talking about quantum physics and chemistry, the others thinking that they were speaking in an entirely different language altogether. He was also Tony’s engineering partner and the two worked on their own little secret projects together when given the chance. He was no doubt one of Tony’s best friends and could be trusted with anyone’s secrets. Despite being such a geek, Bruce was actually very strong and athletic. What surprised most kids is the fact that he was on the wrestling team and was actually helping the team more than he was hurting it. He was good enough to get a varsity jacket which has kept him content and engaged in the sport. Some kids think he has a thing for Natasha Romanoff, but he doesn’t confirm nor deny that claim.

     Natasha Romanoff was definitely one of the more mysterious members of the friend group, at least she seemed to be to people outside of it. Only her closest friends know her backstory. As a child, she grew up in an abusive household where emotions meant weakness. Her mother and father had her by accident and they didn’t even hesitate to tell her that. They were two drinking buddies that were not ready to engage in a romantic relationship let alone have a child. However, they did anyway. Their drug use and alcoholism caused Natasha to live in a house of horrors. Her father would always beat her in the basement which she refers to as the “red room”. Eventually, Child Protective Services were called and she was put into foster care. She didn’t connect to any of the other orphans nor did she want to. She knew how to survive on the streets since she’s had to on numerous accounts when her parents kicked her out just because they felt like it. Eventually, Natasha got adopted by a nice couple named Levi and Ella Kugelman, but Natasha preferred her last name and decided to keep it. She receives therapy every Wednesday and is an extremely smart girl, taking up both AP and C level courses. She does know when to take it easy every once and a while, though. She is the captain of both the swim team and the track team and her adoptive parents couldn’t be any prouder of her. 

      Clint Barton is definitely not your average guy. For one thing, he was the only kid in the high school who insisted that archery should have its own club and sport at the school. A lot of kids even teased him and called him Merida his freshman year. Even then, Clint was a prodigy when it came to archery. It was almost like him and the bow became one to get the arrow exactly where he wanted it to go. He was friends with Natasha since elementary school and was one of the first of her friends to know about her not-so-friendly family. He was the one that reported her parents to the school and sent her into foster care. While she loathed him for a long time for that, he was extremely happy to know that she was in a safer place now. Eventually, Natasha’s hatred towards him faded away and the two got close again and joined the track team together. Another fun fact was that he has been hard of hearing since he was a child and had hearing aids yet Natasha never let anyone lay a hand on him. He actually was prideful and never considered his hearing loss a disability if anything he used to joke that it was some sort of superpower. He had no shame in claiming that he was a member of the silent choir at his school. 

     Thor Odinson was definitely the most boisterous member of the group next to Tony. He too was one of the wealthier kids but was definitely not as smart as Tony was. He took Honors classes but didn’t even dare take an AP class. He preferred to keep his high school career more on the fun side than the educational side. He was one of the football team’s best players and his family never missed a game. Everything was going so well for him. He was labeled as a star player at the school, had a wonderfully sweet girlfriend named Jane Foster, and gained football scholarships from really good schools. His parents put him on a golden pedestal, never ceasing a moment to boast about Thor and his accomplishments. He was engaged in many varsity sports and he was definitely a party-boy like Tony. The two would be gone for a few nights partying and of course, stay at Tony’s house hungover like it was the end of the world. He had everything he could possibly want: a loving family, a bright future, popularity, a loving girlfriend, and the best group of friends he could ask for. Nothing could get better than that. 

 

      Everyone was in their senior year and the end of the year was fast approaching. They all had applied to the same colleges, hoping that they could all go to the same one and stay together. To their surprise, they all got into Strongheld University: one of the greatest schools in the nation. It was definitely one of the greatest accomplishments that they had obtained as a group and were currently heading to Thor’s house to celebrate. They have never been to the Odinson house before and were eager to go after so many years of merely passing it walking to and from school. However, Thor seemed a bit on edge as they walked, obviously concerning Steve.

“Thor, you alright buddy? You seem a little tense.” He said, Thor’s hands shoved into the pockets of his varsity jacket as he walked with his friends. 

“I’m fine, Steve. There’s no need to worry.” He insisted, noticing the large yellow house appearing in the distance. Natasha rose an eyebrow and looked at Thor as they approached the gate. 

“I knew you were rich, Thor but I didn’t know you were THIS rich.” She said, a chuckle leaving Thor as he entered a password into a panel right by the gate. 

“My parents both work well-earning jobs. It should be expected.” He said, smiling as the gate opened and the group walked to the main door, noticing there were numerous fountains in the front yard as Thor unlocked the door with a key he had. The house was well kept with obviously expensive furniture. His parents were not home at the moment, but his brother was. That’s why he was nervous. Of course, he helped his friends get settled in the kitchen and made them some pizza rolls while they made small talk. His anxious vibes were extending all the way to his friends, the others sharing nervous glances. 

“You okay, man?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow as Thor drew in a shaky breath as the sound of someone coming down the stairs could be heard. Their footsteps were quiet and delicate, giving them a graceful touch as he walked into the kitchen, an empty water bottle in his hand. The boy was around their age with hair the color of a raven’s feather and eyes as green as a forest. His skin was pale like the moonlight and he was extremely tall and lanky. His hair was pretty long just like Thor’s and he kept it down unlike Thor who tied it up every now and then. He was wearing all black with a skull necklace around his neck as he put the water bottle in the recycling bin. He didn’t seem to notice them at all. In fact, he seemed to have no idea that Thor and his friends were there. Tony rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“Pretty rude to not say hello, My Chemical Romance.” He said, his tone rather loud which made Thor facepalm. 

“Shut your mouth, Stark. That’s my brother you’re talking to.” He said in a sharp tone, walking towards his brother and tapping him gently on the shoulder. The boy looked up and smiled softly at Thor who returned the smile. He waved to Thor who patted his brother on the back gently and looked at his friends who he pointed to for his brother. 

“Everyone, this is Loki, my little brother. He’s graduating this year too.” He explained, the whole group waving as Loki returned the gesture with a shy wave. Bruce glanced at everyone once he noticed Loki wasn’t saying a word. 

“Are you going to say something?” He asked softly as Loki watched him intently, his eyes glued to his lips as he glanced at Thor with a rather nervous expression. Thor took in a shaky breath as he faced his friends once more. 

“My friends, before you try and talk to my brother, there is something you need to know.”   
“Which is?” Steve asked with great care, noticing how unnerved Thor and Loki were and trying to piece the puzzle together in his head. 

**“My friends, Loki is deaf.”**


	2. Worlds Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's friends finally get to know Loki just a little bit. However, Loki is hiding more than what he would like his brother's friends to know.

      Natasha’s jaw dropped once she heard exactly what left Thor’s mouth. Clint bit his lip, looking the darker clothed brother over once again. Anyone would have thought he was just a normal guy unless someone flat out told them that he was deaf.

“Woah woah woah, he’s deaf? Like, he can’t hear?” Tony asked as Steve shot him a glare. 

“No, Tony he’s deaf as in he can’t see. OF COURSE HE CAN’T HEAR!” Steve replied with his voice dripping with sarcasm, Tony rolling his eyes before glancing at Thor once more. 

“You never told us you had a brother.” He said as Thor sighed softly and Loki’s gaze seemed to be glued to the floor. 

“Well, I never really told you much about my family in general. I guess you should’ve figured it out from my posts on Instagram.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Thor rarely spoke of his family let alone posted pictures of them. When he did post pictures, those were the ones he got from his father. Those pictures had Loki either cropped out or photoshopped out. Their father was not really fond of Loki despite being the one who adopted him in the first place. Thor believed his father did it to look good in the public eye. I mean, it does send out good messages about him as it wasn’t every day that a rich man in the neighborhood adopted a boy all the way from Norway. Loki wasn’t just Norwegian, either. He was a mixed child, Norwegian, Finnish, Irish, Scottish, and surprisingly Haitian to be exact. Anyone could tell you that the neighborhood that they lived in was not...ethnically diverse. It was your stereotypical rich and white neighborhood. Thor had to admit his neighbors didn’t take Loki’s presence in a light manner. They would send any kind of racial slur possible at him. Thank god Loki couldn’t hear the horrible things they said. However, he just seemed to know and it hurt a lot knowing that he was not welcome in the place he was raised. 

“We never saw this kid on your Instagram, Rapunzel. The least we can do is get to know the kid. You know ASL, Thor?” Tony queried, the blonde nodding as Clint smiled. 

“That’s good. Even I don’t know ASL.” He said, Natasha sighing before smiling at Loki who had made eye contact with her for a second before looking to his brother like everyone else. He wasn’t used to being around so many people outside of his father’s business gatherings that they had in the house every once and a while. Even then, Odin hid him away upstairs like he was a disgrace to be looked upon. Bruce decided to ask something. He looked at Thor when he began to speak. 

“What school does he go-”

“Bruce, look at him directly and ask him. I’m just merely going to interpret. Just act like you’re having a conversation with a hearing person.” Thor interrupted as he stood beside his friend, Bruce biting his lip as he looked into the emerald eyes of the second Odinson. 

“What school do you go to?” Bruce spoke, Thor immediately interpreting for his little brother. His hands moved gracefully and his facial expression changed as well, his eyebrows going down as Loki nodded in understanding before he began to sign, Thor speaking as his brother signed. 

“I go to the Asgard Academy for the Deaf. It isn’t that far from here, just a 15-minute bike ride.” Thor said, watching his brother’s hands move and his brain carrying out the interpretation with ease. Bruce hummed in understanding, nodding as he smiled. Everyone seemed a bit more comfortable and felt ready to ask their own questions. 

“What do you like to do, Loki?” Steve asked with a gentle smile, Loki watching his brother once more before turning to Steve and beginning to sign with a rather charming smile painted on his face. 

“I love to read the works of Shakespeare and write my own stories and poetry. I’m also the captain of the volleyball team.” Thor interpreted as Tony snorted, rolling his eyes as he shook his head

“No way.” He muttered as Clint cocked his head to the side, Thor’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“What? Tony, he’s actually the captain of the team.” Thor replied as Tony shook his head once more, chuckling. 

“That guy right there is a walking stick. Forget a zombie’s half dead physique, this guy is a full-on corpse.” He said as Steve shot a warning glare to the cocky genius, almost warning him not to go any further in his remarks. 

“Stark! Not cool!” Clint replied as Thor quickly went to a nearby coat rack, holding up a varsity jacket. There was the famous Odinson name on the back, beautifully sewn into the jacket instead of cheap printing like some schools did. There was also a volleyball symbol under the name, also embroidered onto the jacket along with the word “volleyball” which was under its respective symbol. The whole jacket was a murderous crimson except for the leather sleeves. The left sleeve had a lightbulb symbol sewn onto it with the words “Academic Challenge” embroidered right under it. Bruce lit up at the mention of an academic challenge team, but kept his thoughts to himself as he noticed the tension swimming in the air. 

“This is my brother’s jacket. He’s on the varsity team.” Thor explained as Tony sighed. 

“If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have believed a second of that.” He said as Loki stared at the boy, his skin seeming fairer than before. Bruce had to admit that Loki was definitely not well built like a volleyball player should be. He was extremely skinny. His body seemed to be lacking any skin, the only thing being under his clothes seemingly being mere bones. Of course, he had some flesh to him, but he was more of a lanky boy than an athlete let alone a team captain. 

“The season has been over for a while. Unlike most schools, boys volleyball is a fall sport for the school. That was my last season.” Loki signed, Thor not hesitating to interpret for his rather unnerved brother. Tony looked more confused than before and Steve glanced at Natasha nervously. The boy was Thor’s little brother, meaning he was in a lower grade than everyone else. How could he be done with volleyball if he had at least another year left of schooling? That was when Clint noticed the number on Loki’s jacket. It was their graduating year. Clint rose an eyebrow as he pointed it out to Natasha who looked up at Thor. 

“Thor, he’s graduating with us?” She asked as the blonde nodded. 

“Indeed. Loki was so smart as a child that he skipped a grade. He should be a junior, but he’s a senior and is graduating with us.” He explained, Steve displaying another apprehensive smile. 

“That’s incredible. Has he been accepted into a school?” He asked as Thor nodded. 

“He will be attending the university with us. The school offers a program for deaf students and Loki’s SAT and ACT scores along with the results from all of his AP exams caused the school to reach out to him and ask if he wanted to be one of the 340 students selected to be a part of the program.” He said as Clint felt a warm smile form on his face. 

“That’s amazing,” Steve remarked as Thor nodded. 

“Mother is extremely proud.” He said as Natasha bit her lip as she opened her mouth to speak. 

“What about your dad?”

“He...he was not that impressed. He’d rather my brother go to Harvard.” Thor sighed as Bruce coughed into his elbow. 

“What?! Strongheld is one of the greatest schools in the States!” He cried as Thor shrugged. 

“Loki doesn’t please our father that often.” He explained as Loki drew in a shaky breath, knowing that he should probably leave. He waved shyly almost like a goodbye before quickly going up the stairs. Thor noticed and sighed. 

“I’m sorry about that, friends. Loki is extremely shy and doesn’t socialize often.” He said as Natasha put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. 

“It’s fine. We were fortunate enough that he wanted to continue talking after TONY decided to question him.” Natasha growled as Tony glared right back at her. 

“Oh, whatever. Anyway, how did Loki become deaf? Was he born that way or did he turn his music up too high?” Tony quipped back at her, Thor drawing in a shaky breath, almost hesitant to tell his friends to tell the truth. 

“L-Loki isn’t my blood brother. He was adopted by my father when he was a baby. However, Loki was born a healthy baby boy. When he got older, Loki became sick quite often. He would be absent for many days when he fell ill. However, one day it was very bad. His fever started off perfectly normal as it was just a little bit higher than 100. As the days went on, his fever only got higher. Our pediatrician didn’t think much of it and suggested we care for him like he just caught a cold. However, his fever reached 106 and my mother was done treating whatever the disease was like it was nothing. She took my brother to the hospital where he was immediately taken in to be cooled down. However, by the time they got the fever down, the damage was already done. Loki had trouble hearing my mother and the doctors and eventually couldn’t hear anything at all.” Bruce’s eyes widened as he listened to Thor, everything clicking in his head. 

“Loki suffered from sensorineural hearing loss?” He questioned, Thor nodding while Tony looked at the two, drowning in confusion. 

“Woah, Banner can you tell us what the heck that is? Not all of us know everything you do.” He said, the other science bro rolling his eyes. 

“Basically, a high fever can damage the hair cells and nerve fibers in the inner ear which causes permanent hearing loss.” He elaborated, Steve wincing as he thought of not being able to hear anything after getting over a bad enough illness. 

“That’s horrible...did you take him to deaf schools after that?” Clint inquired, Thor shaking his head as he began to twiddle his thumbs nervously. 

“My father believed Loki could communicate verbally without hearing which is possible. He forced Loki to sound out words that he couldn’t even hear. Loki was able to communicate verbally but his words came out slurred and jumbled. Eventually, our mother called a friend of hers who knew ASL and began to take Loki to her so that way he could communicate with other deaf children as my mother also enrolled him in a deaf school. Loki learned quickly and eventually isolated himself from the hearing world: a world that didn’t want him.” Thor muttered the last part with a shaky voice. Everyone else remained silent, not wanting to push their friend anymore. Loki was not seen for the rest of the day and nobody attempted to find him. They let the younger Odinson live in his own little world: a world without sound. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, y'all! I hope you enjoyed today's chapter! I wanted to write this story to bring a little more awareness to those outside of the Deaf Community as I am an ASL student. I am learning as I write and take my lessons so I will try and help you learn while moving the plot further! There are also going to be mentions of dark themes such as depression, anxiety, attempted suicide, and eating disorders later on so I would like for those who are sensitive to those topics not to continue reading as I do not want to trigger anyone. I will also add those warnings in the tags and I hope that those who stick around will enjoy the rest of the story! I am already working on the third chapter, so you should expect a new one very soon! Please, tell me what you think in the comments! It can be about my writing style, the characters, and even questions about the Deaf Community! I always love feedback and would enjoy helping others learn about the Deaf Community! See you in the next chapter, darlings! <3


	3. A Wilting Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Thor and his friends hang out downstairs, we get to see what life is like through Loki's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING THERE WILL BE MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, ANOREXIA NERVOSA, SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS, DEPRESSION, AND ANXIETY! IF ANY OF THESE TRIGGER YOU, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO STOP READING! IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL OR ARE SUFFERING IN SILENCE BECAUSE OF MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS, PLEASE CONSIDER CALLING THESE NUMBERS! 
> 
> Eating Disorder Helplines 
> 
> National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) HelpLine -- 1-800-931-2237 or text NEDA to 741741  
> National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders(ANAD) -- 630-577-1330
> 
> Mental Health Crisis Lines / Suicide Hotlines
> 
> Suicide Prevention Lifeline -- 1-800-273-TALK  
> Trevor HelpLine / Suicide Prevention for LGBTQ+ Teens -- 1-866-488-7386  
> Crisis Text Line -- Text HOME to 741741  
> Gay & Lesbian National Hotline -- 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)  
> IMAlive -- online crisis chat  
> National Runaway Safeline -- 1-800-RUNAWAY (chat available on website)  
> Teenline -- 310-855-4673 or text TEEN to 839863 (teens helping teens)
> 
> National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
> 
> 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

 

**"All that's left will be,**

**Your bones.**

**No flesh, no warmth,**

**Nothing to love.**

**And still,**

**Those dreaded souls will say,**

**'Just not thin enough.'"- A.W.**

 

**"Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is."- Atticus**

**"Losing your life isn't the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing is to lose your reason for living."- Jo Nesbo**

**"Anxiety is like quicksand, the harder we struggle to escape, the deeper we sink."-Unknown**

 

 

     It really wasn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be, living in a world without sound. Sound is a gift, a blessing bestowed upon the human race by God. It lets them sing their hearts out, listen to the music generated by a symphony of instruments, and even help people remember memories that may have been buried deep in their mind, seemingly lost forever. How could such a sweet blessing be robbed of so many people? Loki didn’t know the answer nor did he want to find a clue about why he himself was deprived of his hearing. He just felt like he was cursed altogether. He wasn’t wanted by his biological parents and his adoptive father (if you could even call him that) only adopted him to look good in the public eye. His town was racist as all heck, calling him names that he was thankful he couldn’t hear them firsthand. Of course, he’s read their lips time and time again, sometimes wishing he didn’t. How they even knew his ethnic background Loki didn’t know. All he knew is that nobody liked a boy taken in out of pity. 

     Hearing sounds was a distant memory of his that he knew he would never remember. It was painful, seeing people in the neighborhood wearing earbuds and jamming out to music that came on the radio. He wanted to enjoy that. He knew that he could still enjoy music as he can feel the vibrations of the beat and experience the rhythm coursing through his body. Even then, he still wanted to hear the words instead of watching people sign them on YouTube or feeling vibrations off the floor. His father kept him upstairs most of the time and didn’t let him turn his music up loud enough to the point where he could clearly feel vibrations. He felt alone sometimes, but he still managed to have a normal high school career like both of his parents had hoped. Volleyball was one of his many escapes. He was extremely good his freshman year and made it onto varsity right away. Back then, he was decently built and wasn’t a walking stick. He was one of the best players and got his letter the first year he was in the Academy. He took as many Honors, AP, and C courses he possibly could and never got lower than a high A in them. He skipped a grade in middle school and had been around people who were older than him by one or two years. He was made fun of for it and didn’t have many friends even in the place where he was supposed to feel the safest. 

     Loki found comfort in Shakespeare and writing the most. He loved to read and would find himself entranced in Verona, Italy or Elsinore, Denmark. He always found himself lost in plots and character development, feeding off of forbidden romances and merciless murders like they were the only things keeping him alive in this cruel and unforgiving world. Loki craved the attention that authors got from their fans, wanting to write his own stories and have others entranced in the work of his own hands. He took as many creative writing courses as he could fit in his already advanced schedule and even his teachers told him that he had something special in his writing. He imprinted his own pain into poetry, gave his characters obstacles that he himself had to overcome. When he looked at them, he only saw himself. He found it upsetting that he confided more in his writing and books than in his parents and brother. However, he found it normal to the point where he found it surprising to see kids walk down the street holding their father’s hand. Odin avoided Loki like he had a disgusting disease and to Loki, he believed that his deafness was what drove his father away. 

      **He wasn’t stupid.** He knew that his father didn’t really love him. The house was filled with family photos, none of them with Loki in it. To a visitor, anyone would think the family only composed of Odin, Frigga, and Thor. Some of the kids in the neighborhood even made him out as a rumored ghost that lived in the attic of the house. Oh yeah, he also didn’t get a room but merely a bed in the attic. The attic itself was still huge with a single window and a bed for him with a closet and dresser, but he couldn’t help but feel like his lack of sunlight was the reason why he was so pale. He felt like deadweight to his family. His father believed he was disabled and absolutely disgusting to be looked upon and his mother merely pitied him. He loved his mother dearly but couldn’t help but feel as if he was just a bother to her. Thor barely acknowledged him outside of the house. He did learn the language to communicate with him like his mother did which he was grateful for, but he just felt like he was shut out from Thor. His brother most likely thought he was a drag and he couldn’t blame him. He was a walking corpse, after all. 

     Their father was always critical of him. He never got any praise from Odin. All he got was criticism. His father thought he was disabled when he really wasn’t. The difference between him and his family was that he couldn’t hear and they could. It was one little difference that Odin never understood. He believed it was something that needed to be fixed. Loki refused to have hearing aids. Despite having the yearning to listen to bands first hand instead of feeling vibrations and watching ASL interpretations, he liked the silence sometimes. If only his father could understand that he was just a normal kid, at least he used to be. 

     Most days, Loki found no motivation to get out of bed. His world was grey and cold, no sound being heard throughout the day. He forgot how his own voice sounded and he thinks everyone else did too. He would walk the halls of the Academy his body shaking like the chimes outside of his house when the wind pulled them into a cold yet loving embrace. He never seemed relaxed anymore, his heart pounding out of his chest as his mind came up with the craziest things to worry about. Did I lock the door? What if I forget the formula required for the test? What if I completely bomb my AP exam? Loki wouldn’t be himself if he wasn’t worrying about something. He also hated talking to people. His teachers barely signed to him as he never wanted to be caught up in a situation where signing was necessary. He isolated himself from both the hearing and the Deaf world. He hid his feelings and thoughts away from his parents. They would never forgive him for thinking the things he did. His mind was a dark ocean with no sign of light in sight. Inside of there lurked a monster that would make even grown men wet the bed at night. It would scare people so badly that they would be frozen in fear without any hopes of moving again. It would frighten them so much that every time they closed their eyes, the monster is all that they would see. It would cause goosebumps to decorate their skin, their breathing to sharpen and grow ragged, and their throats to grow raw because of their screams. That monster was himself. 

     On his way to school, Loki would ride his bike over a bridge that went over the highway. He could drive, but preferred to get some exercise by biking to school. Some days, he would stop and look over the bridge, seeing a polychromatic flurry of cars pass under the bridge. He would stare down and think what would happen when he’d die. He personally thought that nothing happened. He would know nothing, kept in a state of complete unawareness. That seemed appealing to him most days. However, he would remain silent about those thoughts of death. He pictured his death many times. The feeling of liberation when he’d jump off the bridge and sleep forever. It seemed like a beautiful dream for him. Of course, nobody knew about it. He couldn’t risk anyone knowing about it, not that those around him would care. Everyone...but one person. 

     Loki met Sigyn freshman year. She had just come from Vanaheim Academy for the Deaf the past year. She was new to the school as was he and the two both took a ton of higher classes so they were no doubt familiar with each other. The two became friends as their high school career went on and began to date in secret junior year. Loki didn’t want his father to know of this relationship, fearing that he would lose Sigyn if his father did not like her. The last thing he wanted was Odin telling him that he couldn’t be with a girl that “needed fixing”. The very thought of his father thinking that Sigyn was disabled made his blood boil. How could his father be so ignorant? They were not that different from him and Frigga. The only difference was that Loki and Sigyn could not hear anything while any other “normal couple” could. His parents didn’t pay attention to him after school hours so they wouldn’t really notice if he left the house at all. He would go to the park with Sigyn, feeding the ducks with her and looking at the dark night sky. He loved her dearly and wouldn’t think of becoming the lover of any other person. She was his reason for living and he remembered that if he jumped, she would be left alone and that was the last thing that he wanted. Of course, she was the only person who knew about his mental health and she didn’t dare tell a soul as she promised she wouldn’t. If she told someone, he wouldn’t know what to do. What she was mostly concerned about was why on earth he was so skinny. 

      It started off fine. Loki was an athlete freshman year and always ate healthy. He never touched fast food and only ate organic food as did everyone else in his family. His coach encouraged him to eat more, but all Loki saw in food was calories. Every time he looked in the mirror, all he saw was one thing: fat. He was lanky since he was a child, but he didn’t have any muscle. As he worked out more and trained more, he did gain muscle, but that also was because he was eating a lot to maintain the state an athlete should keep. Thor did this too, but Thor didn’t see calories whenever he looked down at his plate. All Loki thought about was how much he was eating and how disgusted he was with himself when he wasn’t as skinny as he wanted. He wasn’t fat but well built, but of course, he didn’t see it that way. After his first volleyball season, Loki started eating smaller and smaller amounts of food. He noticed that he was getting thinner and was way prouder of himself than he expected to be. It motivated him to eat less and less. 

**_He was 6 months into this way of living when his mother noticed that he had gotten thinner._ **

“Loki, you’ve been losing quite a lot of weight lately.” She had signed and Loki merely smiled and gave her a small “thank you” gesture. To him, that concerned remark was a compliment and more motivation to continue eating in small amounts. Soon enough, Loki wasn’t pleased with how he looked. He ate smaller portions than before and even then, he believed that he was fat when he was the complete opposite. His coach became concerned in the beginning of his junior year when he noticed how skinny Loki had gotten from freshman year to then. He had asked if Loki was eating and of course, Loki lied. His brother had gotten concerned as well as he heard retching sounds in the bathroom after family meals and noticed how skinny his brother really was. For a few moments, Loki ate properly again to get everyone into thinking that he was fine. He hated every second of it. In fact, he was so loathsome of it that he began to puke up his meals in school as well. He had dark circles under his eyes and Sigyn had grown more concerned than anyone else. When they were on dates, she forced him to eat everything that he had. He complied, but you could tell he was regretting every minute in his eyes. Of course, after those dates he would puke up whatever he ate. Even to this day nobody knows of the hell that was going inside of his mind. During the volleyball season, he would eat healthy and gain all of the muscle he seemed to lose outside of the season and usually looked slightly built but still lanky compared to the well built freshman he was four years ago. When the season ended, he would go right back to the way he was: thin but not thin enough. He was a threat to himself and he made sure that nobody could do a darn thing about it. 

That boy, Tony Stark, he knew that something wasn’t right. He could read Tony’s lips with ease and knew that he knew. That was when he told himself that he needed to keep as far away from them as possible. He wasn’t meant to be in the hearing world. He wanted to still be himself and if that meant staying away from Thor like he had the Plague, then so be it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! This chapter was a bit slower to write than I thought mostly because of the research that I needed to do before even writing it. Mental illness is something that is not to be joked about which is why I did a lot of research into making sure that I executed this chapter correctly and to the best of my ability. I read articles on Anorexia and watched videos from those who have suffered from such a horrible mental illness and have bounced back from it. I did the same for Depression, though anxiety is a different story. I have been suffering from social anxiety since I was little and poured a lot of myself into Loki when speaking about anxiety. To me, my anxiety is like swimming in this dark ocean with no sign of light in sight. I spend a lot of time awake because of my anxiety and it is slowly killing me from the inside out. I confide in writing to ease my anxiety and volleyball is also one of my many escapes from my mental illness. You guys are also my motivation to keep stories like this going and I want to thank you guys for sticking around. Thank you, and see you in the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! Welcome to the story! Yeah, this chapter wasn't that eventful but I promise it will get more interesting as the story goes along! Consider this an introduction chapter! Leave comments down below and I always love feedback! Love y'all and see you in the next chapter! <3


End file.
